What should I do? I can’t get over the breakup. How to cope with a breakup with a loved one

Surround yourself with people. If you're feeling down, the last thing you want is to be alone. After your day of grief is over, if you're still upset, invite a friend or two to keep you occupied. If you're a girl, grab some Ben and Jerry's and watch some good melodramas with your friends. If you're a guy, watch sports, play video games, do something that makes you happy while you're not alone.

• Don't go out and start a new relationship right away. You need time to heal, you can't give yourself completely to someone else if you're still sad. Friends are a suitable substitute. When the time comes to move on, you will know. This may happen sooner or later, depending on the person’s preferences.

Don't drink alcohol. Nothing positive comes from alcohol when you just ended a relationship and are still sad. Alcohol releases all your emotions and magnifies them a million times. If you go out, drink, and haven't let go of your relationship yet, you'll just end up upset and/or angry. There's also a good chance you'll try calling, texting, or emailing your ex about how much you miss him and want him back. This is the worst thing you can do. When you wake up in the morning, surprisingly, you will feel a thousand times worse than before and you will be very sorry.

Keep yourself busy. This step is key to getting over a bad breakup. Even though you might want to just lie on the couch and mope, you need to get out and be busy. Go shopping, meet a friend, or even just go for a run. The less time you spend dwelling on the old relationship, the faster you will be able to get over the breakup.

Play sports, find a hobby. This is a great time to explore yourself. You are alone again and can devote more time to personal development. Sports clubs are a great way to meet new people and maybe even learn something new about yourself. This is not a reason to “show” your significant other how much better you are without her. Of course, it's normal to feel like you may have grown up without it, but at the end of the day, motivation has to come from you.

Remember that although breaking up is sad, it is not the end of the world. There are billions of people in this world and you will find someone else. Everything happens for a reason, you learn something in every way, so take into account what you have learned from the past and use your knowledge to avoid similar problems in the future. If you follow these steps and try to stay positive, you'll be back on track in your relationship before you know it!

Not everyone knows how to survive a painful breakup and begin to enjoy life again. This is especially true for those who did not initiate the separation. Any separation in this case will only bring pain, sadness and longing for the past. To find the strength to survive this period, you need to try hard and accept the harsh reality.

Some people are helped in this by relatives and friends who know what to say to a loved one during separation. They are usually the best at choosing words of consolation and can put you in a positive mood. Some seek salvation in a new relationship, but, unfortunately, this method does not work for everyone. However, there are also people who cannot find support among their loved ones. Then you need to seek help from a psychologist. Advice from professionals will ease the pain of separation and give you the opportunity to believe in a bright future and new love.

What to do immediately after a breakup

Psychologists say that first of all it is necessary to understand the mechanism of how liberation from love addiction occurs. Separation from a loved one is always a pain of the soul and longing for him, which appeared due to a deep feeling of love. For each person, separation is different. It all depends on a person’s emotionality, his willpower, and the state of the nervous system.

When thinking about how to survive separation from a loved one, you need to try to accept what is happening. To do this, you need to thank fate for all the wonderful moments that happened in life due to the presence of your former partner in it. It is important to understand that life does not end with this relationship, and new love and happy moments await ahead.

Immediately after a final and irrevocable break in the relationship has occurred, psychologists strongly recommend doing the following:

• Give back or throw away all gifts from your ex-partner, as well as things that may remind you of him, since they will not help you survive the separation.
• Delete all photos and videos. As a last resort, you can give them away best friend or a relative, so that at the time of recovery from a breakup they do not remind you of the mental pain. In the future, you can leave a few best photos, which will warm the memory and bring back only the best memories. But immediately after parting, they should definitely be removed.
• It is also necessary to change the decor in the house, which reminds you of your ex-partner. To do this, you can make repairs or at least rearrange the furniture.
• Limit all possible contacts with the person who caused emotional pain.
• When thinking about how to survive separation, you need to do something that will give you a feeling of newness: change your image, go on a trip, change your clothing style.
• When thinking about your ex-partner, you need to learn to immediately switch to something distracting.

You can’t indulge yourself and constantly scroll through pictures from the past in your head. This will not help get rid of love addiction and suffering.

How to survive separation

After determining the level of love addiction, it will become much clearer how exactly to survive a painful separation. Psychologists distinguish several stages of love addiction: attraction, falling in love, and attachment. The drama of relationships increases significantly due to the constant production of endorphins, dopamines and serotonin. Dopamine influences human emotions the most.

It is with its high production that feelings of satisfaction, happiness and energy uplift develop at the sight of the object of love. These pleasant sensations arise from the very presence of a loved one. Having known them, you want to experience it constantly and as much as possible. This is how attachment to a partner develops, which can later develop into a severe form of love addiction.

Dopamine love ends sooner or later. Biochemical reactions cannot be the same and stable. They subside over time, and this is the norm. However, many people cannot live without the constant production of this hormone. Therefore, couples break up immediately after attraction and passion begin to subside. Psychologists say that most often dopamine love ends three years after the start of a relationship.

In this case, the abandoned person, who begins to think about how to survive the separation, needs to understand that the reason for the separation is not at all his. It’s just that the partner’s emotions have subsided due to the cessation of the production of dopamine, which is responsible for passion. This reason breakups are very common. Love and separation in this case go very closely together. Quite a lot of couples separate and divorce within the first three years of marriage. You need to accept this as a given and move on.

How do people cope with breakups?

Everyone knows the fact that the basic need of every person is the need for love. Moreover, when the brain realizes that love has been betrayed and the relationship has been broken off against its will, depression begins to develop. It becomes difficult for the body to accept a new reality and conditions that do not fit into its understanding. The brain is not able to instantly forget about a love affair and stop producing the corresponding hormones. And memories of the past only fuel painful feelings due to the breakup. Passionate love and separation from a loved one can greatly harm the psyche.

The first days and weeks after the end of a relationship become simply unbearable and difficult. Women may not control their own emotions and burst into tears in front of everyone. Pain appears when you see happy lovers, weddings or married couples on a walk. Men may not suffer fewer women. But their emotions are rarely visible to others, as they can hide them. However, this is reflected in behavior in any case. They start to avoid love relationship to protect yourself from repeated pain of separation and disappointment. Some become vindictive and aggressive. Such men deliberately make gullible women fall in love with them, and then leave them in the dark.

All people experience separation from their partner differently. For some, mental pain begins to affect their health. Prolonged depression in this case can be expressed by motor retardation, increased blood pressure, apathy, weakness, panic attacks or a nervous tic. In addition, the abandoned person often has a decrease in self-esteem. To relieve these unpleasant symptoms and mental pain, many begin to drink alcohol or psychotropic substances.

Psychologists assure that after parting, abandoned people do not suffer for the object of passion itself, but only miss the emotions that they felt next to him. Adding to the drama are the memories that keep spinning in your head with happy pictures. It is very important to realize that mental pain intensifies precisely because of them. You need to understand that suffering does not arise due to the absence of a person who decided to leave and thereby betrayed love, but because of the past, which can never be returned. Realizing that pain is rooted in self-pity and selfishness, it will be much easier to survive separation.

What happens to an abandoned person

Numerous studies concerning how men and women experience separation have confirmed that a break with a loved one causes severe psycho-emotional shock, which leads to frustration, mental discomfort and a feeling of uselessness. The abandoned person feels humiliated, betrayed, hurt, and also loses self-esteem. A difficult breakup can undermine the established understanding of values ​​​​such as family, commitment and love. Changes in feelings and emotions affect the entire system of a person’s worldview, his beliefs and convictions change.

Psychologists note that often people experiencing a breakup develop two patterns of behavior: aggression or a victim complex. Aggression is manifested by fierce emotions, bitterness of resentment, irritation, and vindictiveness. The victim complex is manifested by an apathetic state, depression, increased emotionality, tearful hysterics and constant complaints. A person who turns himself into a victim begins to live with memories. He blames himself for everything and reproaches himself for not being able to foresee and prevent the separation. Most often, women become victims, and men choose an aggressive model of behavior that excludes self-flagellation and apathy.

How men cope with separation

The stronger sex is capable of experiencing no less deep feelings than women. However, men are not accustomed to show them openly. The same thing happens with the pain that appears after an unexpected separation through no fault of theirs. Many men try to get rid of heaviness in their souls through a wild lifestyle. In search of ways to survive separation from their wife, some seek salvation in work, hobbies, travel or short-term relationships with women. Men experiencing separation from their beloved do not immediately try to find new love, unlike abandoned women. They are afraid of new feelings and are afraid of repeated disappointment.

It is difficult for men to forget past relationships if they were long, passionate and truly sincere. It is very difficult for them to forget spiritual affection. Therefore, many of them become distrustful, withdrawn and secretive. They do not strive for long-term relationships, but opt ​​for short-term affairs. In this way they try to forget past love. However, being intimate with other women does not help relieve the heartache of a lost relationship. She is unable to fill the void. Therefore, men in such a situation need to try to accept what happened, realize it and forgive their ex-lover for everything. Forgiveness will help you open up to your new destiny and believe in love again.

How women cope with separation

Most often, women experience breakups more difficult than men. In addition, along with the pain of separation, they tend to experience love addiction. Men, in contrast, are less likely to follow the lead of their hormonal levels. Love addiction is characterized by suffering that develops into depression. This destructive state is very reminiscent of drug addiction, only instead of a prohibited drug, the woman feels the need for her object of passion. Depressive state in this case, it is necessary to treat as soon as possible. If you do not do this on time, complete disappointment in love may come, and the woman will not be able to build a new healthy relationship.

A psychologist will tell you how to get over a breakup easier. Few women will be able to overcome and overcome their emotions without outside help. A specialist will understand the feelings and also help correct the distorted perception of self-esteem that often develops after a breakup. At the recovery stage, it is very important for a woman to understand that she was not left because she was bad. By realizing this with the help of a psychologist, she will be able to raise her self-esteem and move forward to new happiness.

When thinking about how to survive separation from a loved one, you can miss many details, which can make the process of recovering from separation longer and more difficult. This is why it is so important to seek help from a professional. The psychologist will give useful advice on how to forget a loved one. First of all, experts strongly recommend not focusing on the problem of parting with the object of passion.

Also, some of them advise making a timid attempt to return a partner who has decided to leave. However, this is done only in cases where the separation was peaceful and no one has any claims against each other. Psychologists recommend doing this so that in the future a person does not regret his inaction.

If an attempt to return the old relationship was unsuccessful, you need to accept the separation as a fact and begin a new stage of life. The desire of the abandoned person to be happy is of great importance. To get rid of worries, you need to resort to quite simple things: communicating with friends, walking in the fresh air, traveling, meeting new people.

When looking for ways to survive separation from your loved one, the advice of a psychologist will help in the best possible way. Experts recommend bringing more bright colors and impressions into your life. To do this, you can take up a new hobby, change your image, renovate your apartment, or learn a new specialty. It is necessary to find new sources of joy and happiness in life. This could be trips to museums, theaters, exhibitions or gym classes. The main thing is to avoid negative thoughts and stop feeling guilty about breaking up with former partner.

What not to do after a bad breakup

Psychologists have compiled a number of actions that should never be done after a painful breakup. These include the following:

• You should not expose your negative emotions to the public. To talk it out and get support, you can bring your problem to a loved one who will listen and support you in such a difficult time. This will have a positive effect on your condition and will make it easier to cope with the breakup. If you dedicate everyone to your mental torment, this will only aggravate the problem.
• You cannot humiliate yourself in front of your ex-partner and try to revive his feelings if the relationship has long been cleared up. This will only worsen the condition of the abandoned person, because he will again be rejected, which will negatively affect his already low self-esteem.
• You can't use other people to numb your own pain. New relationships should begin only when the past is abandoned. Only then will new love help you completely forget the painful breakup.
• You should not try to find solace in alcohol, drugs or psychotropic substances. These methods will never help numb the pain. They will only add feelings of guilt and further reduce self-esteem. Moreover, these bad habits will cause irreparable harm not only to the psyche, but also to health.

When thinking about how to forget a loved one, it is worth remembering that you need to rely solely on your own strength. Only independent clear awareness of what happened will help you confidently move towards a happy future.

How to survive temporary separation

As for temporary separation, it will be much easier to survive than the final break in the relationship. You just need to remember that these are temporary difficulties that true love will definitely endure. When thinking about how to survive a temporary separation from a loved one, it is important to understand that you need to keep yourself busy with something exciting and interesting. Only this will help you survive the absence of your loved one and make life richer.

As for how to survive a long separation, you should approach this more responsibly. Many couples cannot handle long-term breakups and long-distance relationships. Therefore, it is very important not to forget about your loved one and try to maintain relationships. To do this, you need to visit each other, and also constantly communicate via video conference. The more communication there is, the less risk that feelings will subside.

The process of the meetings themselves is also important. When people live in different countries or cities, they need to constantly maintain their tenderness, passion and love. Therefore, every meeting should be a real holiday. When thinking about how to meet his beloved after separation, a man should come up with something special every time for his chosen one. This could be a surprise, an unexpected meeting at the airport or train station, or a spontaneous trip together on the weekend. If people maintain interest in each other even at a distance, no separation can harm their relationship.

No matter how magical a couple's relationship may be. be it husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend, no one guarantees that the fairy tale will last forever. Often, one far from perfect day, one of the partners utters the fatal phrase: “We need to break up, I’m leaving forever,” and you lose your love. How to cope with a breakup with dignity? How can you help a loved one cope with such a loss? We'll tell you in this article.

Why is it so difficult to get over a breakup?

Most people believe that the initiator of the breakup usually has a much easier time coping with the breakup. It is he who makes a difficult decision, manages to get used to it, and sometimes already has in mind a worthy replacement, from his point of view.

However, the question of how to survive a breakup is asked by both former lovers, regardless of gender and who exactly suggested ending the relationship.

How to get over a breakup with your boyfriend or husband? Girls and women, as a rule, have a hard time; it is more difficult for them to come to terms with loss. Often, when thinking about how to survive a breakup with a loved one, a girl is still far from realizing that the breakup is final and her ex-lover or husband will not return. This “waiting mode” - “what if he comes back to me” exhausts the nerves much more than the separation itself.

Pain, bitterness, disappointment and... emptiness - with these unpleasant sensations Everyone who experiences a breakup in their relationship with their husband has to face it, especially if it was long and intense. Accustomed to spending a lot of time with a loved one, it is difficult for a person to quickly find a worthy “replacement” that can fill the gap.

5 stages of accepting the inevitable

In the second half of the last century, E. Kübler-Ross, a psychotherapist from the USA, developed a conditional system, which has now become known as the “5 stages of accepting the inevitable” or “5 stages of understanding loss.” This system is used in modern psychology, including for situations related to the loss of relationships and betrayal:

It is possible to overcome separation and betrayal - this is one of those tests that life presents to almost everyone. Of course, many (especially men) prefer the classic “Russian” method - a friendly binge. However, this only helps to forget for a while and drown out the pain, which will return over time. To make it easier to cope with a breakup, it is recommended to take the advice of psychologists.

Don't live on memories

Memories of the past literally kill the future. Of course, there were many good and happy moments in the lost relationship, but there was also negativity. However, you should not devote all your time to “rewinding” episodes from the past in your thoughts and resurrecting relationships that have already been lost forever. This is not only pointless, but also harmful - such thoughts fuel depression.

Some psychologists recommend making a list of the negative traits and qualities of your ex-partner (spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend) in order to find something good in the breakup with this person. However, this approach seems illogical, since it feeds the aggression stage. There is no need to look for disadvantages in the one who gave his warmth and love, even if he no longer does this.

A much more sensible option is gratitude. You don't have to express it personally. It is enough to mentally thank you for all the good things that happened in life thanks to your ex-lover, wish him a good journey in his future life and close this topic. The past, good or bad, must remain the past.

Get rid of negative emotions

After separation and betrayal, you need to be prepared for the fact that the memory will periodically immerse a person in memories of happy moments or, on the contrary, resurrect not the most pleasant episodes and events. This is quite normal. There is no need to get angry and try to get the lost relationship out of your head. As well as trying to drown out negative emotions towards yourself, your ex-lover or the situation in general.

Emotions, even negative ones, will need to be lived and felt. They are like a kind of tribute to the past. Only by paying it off in full does a person become truly free from the past, which means that life begins to new stage and there is room for new events, acquaintances, relationships. To get rid of negative emotions, psychologists advise:

Chat with friends and family

How to survive a separation from your husband or boyfriend, wife or girlfriend? Realizing that a dear person, on his own initiative, abandoned his “soul mate” is difficult and painful. Feeling bad in such a situation is normal. However, this is not a reason to lock yourself within four walls and suffer alone.

The closest people - friends and relatives - will help you cope with the pain of loss, anger and resentment. It's time to call your mom or dad and spend a soulful evening with your family. The next day, contact an old girlfriend or friend and organize an exciting adventure together - in a cheerful company there is no place for bad thoughts, they go away on their own, as does the feeling of emptiness.

Set yourself up for happiness and new relationships

Psychologists say that a positive inner attitude is very important - it determines not only how a person perceives himself, but also the perception of his personality by others. If a woman, deep down in her heart, is still waiting for the return of her former lover, she unconsciously blocks all options for a new relationship, because, from her point of view, she remains unfree.

Tune in to a positive wave, literally force yourself to believe that even without a lost relationship there is every chance of finding your happiness - this is real, you just need to want it.

Those around her feel the readiness for new relationships subconsciously, and if a girl is open to communication, strives to find love and find happiness, her dreams will definitely come true.

How to survive the severity of a breakup after a long relationship?

The end of a long-term relationship is always more painful than the end of a light fling. The main cure for mental pain in such situations is time.

As the heroine of one popular TV series said, to forget a man, it will take half the time you spent together. Of course, if we are talking about several years, you don’t want to wait that long, and there’s no need.

Those who have successfully experienced a breakup after a long relationship often share their experiences on forums, blogs, and pages social networks and just in private conversations. All stories are individual and unique, but psychologists have compiled a list of the most common behavior patterns that can help many women and men who have been abandoned by a loved one:

How to help a child cope with a breakup with a loved one?

It is always difficult for parents to see their child in pain. I would like to provide support to my son or daughter to survive a breakup with a loved one. Unfortunately, during this difficult period, many fathers and mothers make a number of critical mistakes, of course, with the best intentions, and subsequently it becomes difficult to achieve a trusting relationship with the child. It is very important to follow these recommendations:

• Listen silently. If your daughter or son decides to talk about their experiences, you need to listen in silence. That is, say absolutely nothing. No memories of your own experience (how you survived a similar situation), useful tips, comparisons, especially sarcasm or barbs addressed to a former lover. An attentive, sympathetic look and silence. There is no point in asking questions either. When the story ends, you just need to say: “I understand you,” “I sympathize with you,” or just silently hug.
• Surround with warmth and care. Wrap yourself in a blanket or bring a pillow, offer a cup of hot tea or cocoa, a piece of cake or a delicious sandwich... Caring should not be excessive or intrusive, the main thing is that it is sincere.

According to which, the initiator of the breakup retains only a third of the bitterness and disappointment, while the other two-thirds goes to the “abandoned party.” However, when a relationship is bursting at the seams, we usually have no time for arithmetic: separation, even if it happened by your will, can be either difficult or very difficult - there is no third option. However, a clear plan and recommendations from psychologists will help you avoid falling into deep depression and survive the separation from your loved one with minimal emotional loss.

Step 1: Allow yourself to suffer

Yes, that's right. Advice to “go to work”, “get distracted” and “forget about this idiot” will not help you now - any relationship needs to be mourned. You wouldn’t demand an instant recovery from a flu patient, would you? So, allow yourself to “get sick” to your heart’s content: lock yourself at home alone with chocolate cake, be sad to Adele’s tear-jerking ballads, cry on your friend’s shoulder. For pain to subside, it must first be accepted and felt. With one important condition: set a strict deadline, after which Adele’s album will be replaced by something more cheerful, and you will move from tears and reflection to active action.

Step 2: End the relationship

A difficult farewell has taken place, the i's have been dotted, you have gone to different apartments - and yet you are still connected by many threads that remind you of your previous relationship and permanently drive you into depression. American psychologist Rachel Sussman, in her book on how to survive a breakup with a loved one, advises to ruthlessly get rid of all such “anchors”: delete SMS messages, unsubscribe from updates on social networks and even buy new bed linen. And supporters of the esoteric approach strongly advise, firstly, to burn “artifacts” (there are real cases, when girls burned their wedding dresses - they say it helps), and secondly, return his gifts to the ex-lover, or at least sell or give them away.

Step 3: Blacklist it

Even if you are forced to communicate with ex-lover, try to completely stop all contact with him for a while. Including mail and SMS. As the same Rachel Sussman states in her book “The Breakup Bible,” the optimal period would be a month - after this time, you will develop “emotional immunity” and it will be much easier to communicate with your ex-boyfriend.

Step 4: Ask for help

Not necessarily a professional psychologist - although it would be very useful to contact one. Arrange a manicure evening with your friends, order pizza, watch a couple of funny movies, go to karaoke together, or even, like Carrie Bradshaw after her failed wedding, on a trip - taking your friends, of course. Finally, a support group can be found without leaving home, among complete strangers: for example, a real girl from the USA named Katherine, who canceled her own wedding, created an entire blog about how to survive a breakup and called it SimplySolo. The site became incredibly popular and became not only an outlet for Katherine, but also.

Step 5: Be irresistible

The joke that the worse things go for a girl, the better she should look, as usual, is only part of the joke. It’s still more pleasant to be sad with impeccable hair, fashionable makeup and (of course!) new shoes. And, of course, don’t forget the rule: in any incomprehensible (read: unpleasant) situation, go... to the gym. A good dose of endorphins will definitely not hurt you now.

Step 6: Find Sources of Joy

Bake a cake according to a new recipe, learn how to braid hair, rearrange the furniture in the room - pleasant emotions can be found even in the little things. It will be even better if you have the opportunity to please someone else: babysit a friend’s child, help a friend with a renovation, or finally, carry a bag of groceries for an elderly neighbor. Even small acts of kindness will take your mind off things and lift your spirits.

Step 7. Review plans and goals

When there are two of us, we make joint plans, choose common guidelines and make numerous compromises. Now that the second variable has disappeared from the equation, it’s time to reconsider it. The heroine of the sensational “Eat. Pray. Love”, in search of her true self, she changed three countries - an option, of course, is expensive, but you can start small. Have you long dreamed of visiting Norway, but put this idea off until later, since your lover did not recognize any other vacation other than a beach one? Or were you hesitant to change your profession because your boyfriend convinced you that banking was your calling? Having decided to go beyond the usual boundaries, you will be surprised to discover that parting brings with it not only bitterness, but also freedom - and only you can decide how to use it.

Parting and forgetting won't work; breaking up and not feeling pain will not work; parting ways and living happily and comfortably is also an illusion.

One will recover from this illness in six months, while the other will suffer all his life, and will not be able to recover without breaking the connection with that person. Causes of prolonged harm: codependency, pessimism, mental laziness, or simply the need to be close to a loved one, love him and feel with all your being that you are loved. Such a need cannot be buried. Yes, it is natural for humans. It is important to be aware of it, not to be ashamed, and even to be proud of the desire and ability to love.

There is only one way to forget a significant person with whom so much is connected: to run away, hit your head on a pole, or get some other injury, which will result in amnesia. So it's better not to try to forget. But what about the monstrousanger, resentment, guilt, fear, despair, grief, depression, feelings of worthlessness, emptiness? - Get over a breakup.

CATHARSIS

Parting is always accompanied by a powerful storm of destructive and negative emotions. Leading among them anger and resentment. Often a person tries to extinguish these emotions in destructive ways: alcohol, drugs, gluttony. Gluttony and as a means to fill the inner emptiness. These emotions cannot be drowned out; repressing them is dangerous – will break out in psychosomatics or lead to depression, destroy from the inside. These emotions can only be thrown out: by screaming, crying, sobbing, you can hit the bed with a folded towel or a tennis racket, or pound the pillows with your fists. The task will be completed if, instead of incredible emotional stress, you experience physical impotence.

Another way of catharsis is to stand under running water and sob bitterly. There is also a direct relationship between emotions and increased physical activity. Jogging, swimming, boxing will help throw out negativity and tension; emotions must be “thrown out” in intense physical movements.

FORGIVE

Anger and resentment prevent you from forgiving. And it doesn’t matter: he (she) left or you. In situations of separation, if an emotional connection with each other is maintained, there is always resentment and anger in the heart. These feelings form a trap of strong dependence on the one with whom you had to part. By getting rid of anger and resentment, you will get rid of the obsessive desire to think about this person, suffering will become more bearable.©The author of the article you are now reading, Nadezhda Khramchenko/

Resentment and anger are shackles that chain you to each other. Write a letter to this person, describe all your grievances in it and forgive them for them. There is no need to send a letter.

Remember why you fell in love with him (her), what he (she) gave you. Wish you happiness and let go of yourself. Treat your ex(s) kindly. This is a worthy, majestic act, which testifies to a strong, developed personality, and not to a hysterical weak-willed character, whose humiliation does not even evoke pity.

Only by forgiving, you weaken the connection with your loved one, and with anger and resentment you knit a tight rope that connects you forever. It is important to get out of this difficult life situation with dignity.

MAKE A DECISION

Hesitations, doubts, tossing: “What if it still works out”, swings: “Then we’ve come together”– then they separated” completely unsettled, delaying the process parting, as a result, melancholy, depression, apathy. In many ways, this is reminiscent of the stage of experiencing loss, the death of a loved one, “Bargaining” according to Elizabeth Ross. However, if you couldn’t stand it and got back together, most likely the period of euphoria from the “Honeymoon” will be replaced by regrets because you showed weakness and came to what you were running from, and now everything is going in a circle again.

Here we need to separate. Confused in relationships – take a break for a certain period of time, take a time out. Do you want to establish relationship – analyze the mistakes you have made, and go! But if you actually break up, then this should not be a hysterical outburst or an escape from problems, but a consequence of a conscious decision “ Break up». Make a decision and strictly follow it. Your task is to learn to live without it loved one, completely eliminating him from your life, breaking ties with him. Leave, don’t call each other, don’t correspond, don’t look at her/him on social networks, don’t make inquiries about her/him and don’t look for meetings with each other, don’t go to memorable places. “Yes, it was wonderful, but it’s the past.” Solve all your problems yourself, without turning to him for help or advice. It is important to maintain self-esteem and not humiliate yourself. Form new habits that have nothing to do with him (her). Be active, create and create your own new life. 2 hours a day of catharsis from grief and loss, and the rest of the time should be filled with a variety of activities so that in the evening you collapse from fatigue and immediately fall asleep. You should have no time to suffer. However, if you still suffer from insomnia, do not lie in bed, thinking that you will not get enough sleep, but get up and do something or read and do not touch the computer 3 hours before bedtime.

Find something, someone you need to live for, always remember this in difficult moments.

ANALYZE THE RELATIONSHIP

As soon as the emotions settle down, you need to start analyzing your past relationships. Why did you get together? Why did you have to break up? Who made what mistakes? How could they be corrected? Was your couple happy? Answer these questions honestly, objectively, without emotion. Not in order to condemn anyone, but in order to realize everything, to move to a new round of personal development.

It would be good if, 3 months after the breakup, when feelings have cooled down, a meeting takes place on neutral territory, where you can discuss everything that is why you can’t get together. Try to treat each other with care, do not envy if your ex’s life is going better. Don't take bad things personally. Draw conclusions from mistakes. Life is long, and partings are inevitable. This is yours personal experience and part of your life.

RESTORE ENERGY

Breaking up usually takes away a person’s vital energy; it must be restored. Country walks, swimming in natural reservoirs, animal therapy, hypotherapy, just any communication with animals and horse riding, travel, excursions, theater, exhibitions, museums, communication with positive people, extreme sports, yoga, meditation. The list could still be very long. Choose your own way to recover. The principle of 4 elements works perfectly. Every day you need to touch 4 elements: water, earth, fire, air. Discover your ways. For example, if it’s water, then stand under running water in the shower, washing away all the pain, and cry. You can sit on the shore of the lake, looking at the surface of the water. Fire– this is a fire, or it is possible to look at the flame of a candle and read a long prayer or “Our Father” 10 times. Earth– run barefoot on the grass or work in the garden. Air– breathe in the air deeply, standing on the balcony, or better yet, in the countryside. You can come up with a lot more, the main thing is to contact the four elements daily.

ABOUT PLEASURES, OR KICKING OUT TO THE OPPOSITE

When breaking up, negative and destructive emotions go off scale, and a depressive background mood arises. Make it your goal to have a positive attitude. Pleasure will be your assistant here.©The author of the article you are now reading, Nadezhda Khramchenko/

Take a piece of paper and draw a planet of pleasure. Mark on it 15 things that bring you pleasure. Does it seem like a lot to you? If it doesn’t work out, then you’re just a lazy person. Broaden your horizons and find what brings you joy in life. Make sure to give yourself pleasure every day. In addition, if a negative, pessimistic thought appears in your head, immediately knock it down with a positive and life-affirming one. For example, replace the thought “I will always be alone” with the attitude “If I want, I will have many friends and fans.” This is a very useful habit of thinking constructively and forming the right positive attitudes. Life attitudes are prerequisites for the implementation of plans.

IF THE COMMUNICATION IS NOT INTERRUPTED

It is very difficult to take it and leave, it is very difficult not to try to return it or at least not to hope. Many people, when leaving, do not dare to stop communicating with each other. This is a mistake. It creates a feeling of an unfulfilled personal life. It is impossible to remain friends precisely because there is a strong emotional connection. If you feel that you are unable to live without this person, try to build a new relationship with him (her). But if together it doesn’t work out– break up completely, breaking off emotional ties, moving away, not seeing each other, no calls, until she gets over the pain.

BEAUTIFUL AROUND

It’s an amazing thing when our inner world is distorted, turned inside out from pain and despair, everything around us seems ugly, meaningless, unfair, cruel. And all because we either project our negativity outside, refusing to recognize it in ourselves, or we look in the external world for something that corresponds to the inner world. Such a pessimistic whirlwind inevitably leads to depression. However, there is a way to harmonize the internal state through the external. Surround yourself with beautiful things. Take care of your appearance, your physical form, admire paintings in museums, do home renovations (hang wallpaper), get carried away with updating the interior of your home. Follow the tones in clothing and design solutions– there is no place for the dark in them! Let it be bright and light colors.

WEEKENDS AND HOLIDAYS

It's especially hard in the first yearloneliness Weekends and holidays are postponed. Even if you are very tired at work, prepare in advance for holidays and weekends, so that on these days you are not left alone with yourself. Cleaning, then going to visit, the next day receiving guests, preparing something for tea with your own hands, an amusement park, learning to dance or drive, books, music, but just not thoughts about your ex. During the holidays (New Year's, May), don't be lazy and go on a short trip.

RESUME

To summarize, we can say the following. Parting with a loved one– This is always a difficult life test, but if you follow psychological recommendations, and in severe cases, turning to a specialist for help, you can always get over a breakup, recover and find happiness or inner peace. Memories of a loved one, with whom you had to break ties, will over time evoke a bright image of the past, and not pain and despair.

Breaking up is very difficult, but there are basic principles that you need to adhere to in order to recover and become a happy person.

1. As soon as you break up, distance yourself from your former love as much as possible, don’t call, don’t write, don’t see each other, remove all things that remind you of this person.

2.Form new habits that are not associated with that person. A significant part of people cannot part with each other precisely because of common habits that have been formed and consolidated in behavior over the years.

For example, we had dinner together. Now come up with a new form of having dinner in a pleasant environment, if before - in the kitchen, now - in the room, the best option is to invite friends for dinner or have dinner in a cafe. New habits should be more enjoyable than old ones.

3. Forgive. While there is resentment in the heart and anger, the connection with this person is very strong. So new relationships cannot be built, and suffering will not stop - the pain of parting will not be eliminated.

4. Two hours a day of catharsis (outburst of emotions), the rest of the time is work, hobbies, communication, walks, so that you can be busy from morning to evening and, after lying down, immediately switch off.

5. Be sure to give yourself pleasure every day, do not allow yourself to become depressed, replacing any negative thought with a positive attitude. Think about why you live, what goals you set, what values ​​you have. If you don't see meaning in your life, then it’s time to reassess your values, find what’s attractive in the world, set goals, find something to live for.

Give yourself enough time to get over the disease, 12-18 months. Only after fully recovering from the breakup can you start a new relationship, otherwise the new relationship will be short-lived, and the disappointment from it will be even stronger, because without thoroughly working through your previous experience, you will be dragged into new errors and the sorrows of the past, and so on in a vicious circle, until you have to give up your personal life altogether.

Having been ill, you will gain a unique experience and start life with a clean slate, where there will be no room for previous mistakes and disappointment in yourself. Will always help you psychologist. You can contact me. Whatever the pain, after the consultation you will feel relief and you will have the strength to live. By following individual recommendations, you will protect yourself from depression and begin to rejoice again, you will feel that you are not living in vain, and in your life, besides this person, there is still a lot of meaning. Sign up for consultation in the reception area psychologist, you have at home, via Skype ,by phone, Can